Growth

One Truth to Overcome Insecurity

insecurity

Synopsis: This post is about insecurity. But it is not for the faint-hearted. Read with an open mind. If you’re not prepared to do that, best not read it at all.

Thought you’d have grown out of insecurity by this age, didn’t you? Kind of disappointed that you’re still not confident and self-assured, at your age?

While you sit there feeling like a gawky, spotty-faced teenager inside, hiding behind a “wreck-of-a-human-being” guise – assholes are taking over the world and getting successes they don’t deserve.

Oh, I’m sorry… I thought you liked being talked to that way. You do it to yourself all the time!

Since you seem to enjoy a good-old masochistic mental ass-kicking… move over and let me have a turn.

You are an adult. Adulting doesn’t come with a side-order of confidence. Confidence is like money. If you’re not born with it, you gotta go out there and make it.

Now that I have your attention, let’s soften the tone and abandon the vitriol and derision. Please forgive me for using shock tactics to cut through your mental bullshit. But something had to be done.

Here’s the Problem:

Insecurity Makes You Feel…

  • Weak
  • Unsure of yourself
  • Embarrassed
  • Less than everyone else
  • Vulnerable

Insecurity Stops You From...

  • Speaking your mind
  • Being at ease in social situations
  • Taking chances
  • Being an active participant of life
  • Being yourself

 

Recognize the True Nature of Insecurity

You know when you buy a $30 stereo from an electronics store and the cashier generously offers to sell you an additional 10-year warranty for only $15? She makes it sound like you’ll be a regretful idiot if you don’t get the warranty. But you don’t really care if this stereo lasts ten years. You only want it for a beach picnic. Its long-term destiny is your hall closet, or maybe a garage sale or charity shop, where one day it can spread its electronic wings and move across town to someone else’s closet.

Plus $15 is kind of expensive for a gadget that only costs $30 in the first place, don’t you think?

That’s what insecurity is. A really expensive insurance policy designed to protect you from the psychological dangers of rejection, failure and humiliation. You get to protect your fragile little psyche by making sure it’s never exposed to anything that could make it even fragile-er. Like protecting a china doll from grubby little kiddie hands. Put that china doll back in the cupboard where it belongs, bubs.

But there’s something else about that over-priced warranty: It doesn’t cover everything. That $30 stereo is covered if its wiring catches on fire through a manufacturing error. It’s not covered if your stereo goes car-surfing and hits the ditch at 40 mph. Let’s be honest… how often do stereos succumb to spontaneous combustion (when they’re not Samsungs)?

Take the risk. Spend that $15 on a book, movie ticket or a cheap box of wine.

 

What about Your Insecurity, Though?

Not speaking your mind, not putting yourself out there, not being yourself… they don’t make you more confident or secure. They just feed insecurity, making you spin in circles like this pointless pursuit.

Feel insecure. Don’t speak up. Don’t speak up. Feel more insecure.

You get it?

But wait, there’s more!

No matter how hard you try to avoid embarrassment/humiliation/rejection/____ (insert your psychological phobia here)… shit will still happen to you. You’ll still find things to feel bad about. That’s the way your brain has been wired – to look for threats and weaknesses.

 

In-Security Instead of Insecurity

Brace yourself, you’re not going to like what I have to say. But shut up and listen because I’m doing the ass-kicking today.

When you feel anxious and uptight around other people because you don’t feel good enough, smart enough, or whatever enough, remember this:

Three-quarters of the people around you feel exactly the same way, whether they show it or not.

We human beings are delicate, fragile little souls, who walk around this planet uncertain of our worthiness to even be present and alive.

We didn’t make ourselves. We are an expression of life. Call it God or the universe or life force or whatever you choose – you are worthy because you are alive. Being alive means bumping into things and tripping over words. It means stuttering and stammering, hiccupping and falling over. Looking stupid, having brain farts and verbal diarrhea – yep, they’re part of being alive too.

Nobody said being polished and perfect was the only way to win this game. Going out there and living authentically – that’s the way you really score. Showing up as you are, and being okay with how you are (otherwise known as being authentic) – is the only path to feeling secure. And when you allow yourself to be okay as you are, you give those other insecure people the freedom to accept themselves too.

We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Marianne Williamson

So really, when it comes to insecurity, there is only one thing you should fear: everything you’ll lose because of a useless, overpriced insurance policy that doesn’t cover everything anyway.

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