Mastery

Pretend You Don’t Have ADHD

ADHD

Sometimes I wish that I could follow a non-ADHD person around for a day – just to see how they do life.

Haven’t you ever wondered how the so-called “normal” people do it?

I can spend a whole day, frenetically doing a bunch of this and a whole lot of that. I try to be mindful of what I am doing, while I am doing it. I feel like I am pretty efficient, for the most part. But I’m sure if I hung out with a neurotypical, their day would look a lot different than mine.

But would it be better?

I’m thinking of asking someone if I can shadow them for a day. But how do you approach a request like that?

“Hey, can I follow you around for a while? Just go about your business and pretend I’m not there. You be the lion, I’ll be the camera woman. I just want to know what a normal day looks like in your wilderness.”

It’s creepy and weird, so perhaps I won’t.

This idea came to me the other day. I am a member of a task force in my community, whose focus is on promoting education about ADHD and enhancing resources for those who live with it. Every October, we put on a community event in honor of ADHD Awareness Month. This year, our theme is going to be “Getting Inside the ADHD Mind” – with a focus on creating a better understanding of what it’s like to have ADHD, designed especially for those live with an ADDer.

I would like to engineer the reverse of that. What’s it like to not have ADD? Do people without ADHD have only one thought at a time? When faced with a big list, do they automatically know what to focus on first or do they have to think hard about it? Are they naturally organized and on time, or does it take effort?

Think about this for a few minutes. What would it be like to NOT have ADHD?

I’ve been contemplating this. I can’t come up with a conclusive answer, obviously. I can’t live in someone else’s head. I’m stuck with my own. But this is the conclusion I’ve come to, based on nothing more than a thought experiment.

Without ADHD, I’d still be me. I can see that certain parts of my life are definitely affected by the fact that I have it, but I can’t say that my struggles would go away if my brain was wired differently. Perhaps I would just have different struggles. Perhaps you would too.

Being organized, focused, and on time would no doubt be easier. But I don’t think I’d necessarily be happier, more successful, or fulfilled. I imagine it this way:

 

People who wear glasses might feel that some things in their lives would be easier if they didn’t need to wear glasses. No doubt, that’s why laser surgery has become a popular procedure. I don’t wear glasses, but I can imagine it’s a pain-in-the-butt to have to rely on them, and there would be times when it’s extremely inconvenient to depend on them.

But take away the need to wear glasses – how much better would life become? I mean, after the initial novelty wears off?

This is what I think:

Life without ADHD would have its own struggles. Having ADHD can certainly make a lot of things harder, but it doesn’t necessarily make life harder. Living with ADHD, successfully, can mean that it’s no more inconvenient than relying on a pair of glasses for reading or driving.

It really is that simple. As I’ve talked about many times before, there are many ways in which ADHD can actually benefit our lives, especially when we know how to use it to our advantage. The difference between being overcoming ADHD struggles, and being overcome by them, comes down to whether or not you find ways to make it work for you.

Read through the archives of this blog – I’ve outline dozens of ways that you can make ADHD work for you. If you’d like to find more unique ways to manage your ADHD, shoot me off an email and we’ll talk about it. And don’t forget to sign up for more free tips delivered straight to your in box in the signup sheet below.

Productivity

Scrap the Apps – Do What Works

scrap the apps

Do you remember the days when an application was something you completed to get yourself a job, not something you used to get that job done?

If not, go away. You make me feel old.

Apps of the contemporary definition have become an inherent part of modern living. They make a multitude of tasks, commitments and goals more manageable.

At least, that’s what we think.

Three times recently, I’ve been stood up by people who forgot our appointment because their pc calendar didn’t sync properly with their phones. They didn’t get a reminder to remember me.

Of course, I forgive this oversight easily. I’ve been unreliable in the past too. But it does get me thinking…

If a person relies on their phone to remember important dates and commitments, why wouldn’t they use their phone’s calendar in the first place? Why rely on two different apps to sync with each other when quite possibly one would do just fine?

I get that there are reasons to organize your life with sophisticated apps that integrate with other sophisticated apps. I’m don’t disagree with those reasons. What I am saying is this:

Sometimes apps fail us.

Sometimes they fail us because we don’t know how to use them properly. And sometimes they fail us because, although they sound great in theory, all they really do is over-complicate what could be a really simple thing.

notebooks

ADDers have a tendency to over-complicate things too. Even with old fashioned “apps” called notebooks, we often have several of them, making it arduous to retrieve the info we need.

Relying on multiple apps to simplify life management is like hiring a team of Michelin Star chefs to fry a couple eggs. They could definitely do it. But you know what happens when there’s too many cooks in the kitchen.

Complicated apps, just like complicated systems, fuel chaos instead of diminishing it. If you’re getting bogged down and dropping balls, maybe the best approach is to de-clutter your systems. The good old fashioned calendar has survived for thousands of years because of one reason:

It works.

Creativity

The Curiosity Prescription for ADHD

 

It may have killed the cat, but for your ADD – curiosity might just be your biggest asset.

ADDers are highly distractible and we consider this a bad thing. It’s not. Not totally, anyway. Ned Hallowell illuminates the positive side of distractibility: it’s just a manifestation of “turbocharged curiosity”.

“Turbocharged curiosity” is the thing that makes us creative. It fuels innovation. It’s a pre-cursor to effective problem-solving. Improvements in products, services or systems only come about because somebody got curious about how things could be better. Curiosity, in many ways, makes the world a better place.

At the same time, it lends to distractions. We get distracted because we are curious – about more things than we can possibly pay attention to at one time. So we vacillate from one thing to another, satiating inquisitiveness but sabotaging productivity and efficiency in the process.

We can’t filter or shut off our curiosity just because it’s not productive. But curiosity can actually be productive, if you use it to your advantage. ADD is unlike most other disorders in this respect. Its traits can actually help you when you employ them deliberately, with awareness and intention.

Think about it. Much of our dysfunction exists only because we were not aware ADD in action until it was too late. We didn’t see ourselves getting distracted when we were supposed to be working. We failed to notice we were talking too much when we should have been listening. We didn’t see ourselves get sucked into the maelstrom of doing “just-one-more-thing”, when we should have been heading out the door – like, ten minutes ago!

How do these things happen right beneath our noses? How is it that we are always off-task, inattentive or late? And more importantly, how do we change these patterns? Curiosity discovers solutions, and not always the obvious ones.

Reverse-engineering the problem, it asks:

  • What made me do x, y, or z?
  • What was going through my mind when I said/did/felt that?
  • What was my intention? What got in between my intention and my actions?

The best thing you can do for your ADD mind is to get curious about how your ADD mind works. You experience the world, in fact – your entire life – through your mind. That makes your mind the most fascinating place in this universe.

The more you ask yourself curious questions, the more apparent solutions will become.

Olivia was someone who, despite her best intentions, could not get her workspace organized. Every once in a while she would blitz it, doing a massive clear-out of the collected debris and carefully organizing the rest into piles categorized by urgency and priority.

It never lasted more than a week. Truth be told, there was nothing wrong with the systems she developed to get herself organized, except for one thing: she never used them.

Then, she got curious. She asked herself some pretty investigative questions. Like – why did she think she needed to get organized in the first place? What were her magical beliefs about organization and what it might do for her? What was her pursuit of getting organized “costing” her, compared the costs of things staying just as they were? And if organization really was so important, why didn’t she use the systems she created?

In the end, it turned out that organization wasn’t as big of a priority as she initially thought. Olivia was good at what she did (graphic design) and the state of her workspace, while inconvenient and sometimes inefficient, did not stop her from doing her job well. She thought she should be better-organized because it was an obscure ideal she held, rather than an integral part of her job. Curiosity helped her let it go.

Adam had the exact same problem. However, when Adam got curious, he noticed something completely different. Adam had the ability to keep his workspace organized and efficient at times, apart from when he was interrupted in the middle of a task. Being the Managing Director of a small organization – these interruptions tended to happen a lot, which meant his desktop would frequently be in a disarray of half-completed tasks. If he had not got curious about this dilemma, he would have continued to assert new strategies for “filing and filtering” his workspace, rather than dealing with the real issue at hand – the constant interruptions.

Same problem, but different people with different solutions. Common sense says “This is the best way to do it”. Curiosity asks “What’s my best way of doing it?”

Distractibility may be caused by insatiable curiosity, but if you use that insatiable curiosity to manage your distractions, you have effectively turned your ADD inside out and used its strengths against its own deficits.

And while it may have killed the cat, curiosity just might have saved it too.

Focus

Transform Your Life: ADHD to Zen

 

Going from ADHD to Zen… is that even possible? You probably think I’m kidding. Actually, I’m not – and you shouldn’t be fooled into thinking they are dichotomous either.

Life with ADHD may seem restless, unfocused and disorganized on the surface. Dig just a little bit further, though, and you may find a layer of peace and calmness under the chaos, just waiting to be excavated.

When ADDers seek help through medication, counseling or coaching, they are hoping for strategies to overcome their symptoms and live “normal” lives. What they really want is to transform themselves, to have a different experience of life altogether. At the core, they want more peace and happiness.

Isn’t this what we all want?

But who has time for personal transformation? It’s hard enough just getting through the day with your head still on. Transformation is for caterpillars and Autobots, not people trying to muddle through each day without falling apart. Most of us would settle for just getting to work on time.

We should want more from life than just muddling-through. What about having a life in which we are flourishing and having a great time at it? We assume that by becoming more organized, productive and focused, our paths will eventually lead us to a life of tranquility.

What if we’ve got it the wrong way around? What if the way to organization, productivity and focus was through peace and calmness? What might be possible if transformation was the first step, not the result?

What I’m saying is this:

What if Zen came first and the rest followed?

I believe that complete transformation is not only possible, but inevitable, when you open yourself up to a new experience of life, even when circumstances haven’t changed one iota.  I’m not the only one. My ideas have been influenced by several likely suspects. Specifically – two monks, a professor and of course, a punk rocker. In this four-part series, I will explain what I have learned from them and challenge you to shift your perspective.

What have you got to lose?

You’ve already lost time and perhaps money trying to find the perfect system/treatment/cure for your ADHD. I’m daring you to try something different. Expand your horizon. For now, change nothing in your life but your perception of it. The nice part of this challenge – you don’t need to do anything but think. And we all know you’re good at that.

Transformation Step 1 – Embrace the Chaos

If you’re like me and many other ADDers, then I’m sure you’ve had this experience. You’ve tried countless tactics for getting yourself, your home or your work organized, and no system thus far has managed to stick. It’s not that you don’t know how to get organized, but keeping organized requires focus and effort – every single minute, of every single day. Focus and effort are limited resources and often – we’re just tapped out.

How can we transform this?

There is nothing inherently wrong with being disorganized or scattered. Sure, it makes our lives more difficult but there is no immorality in being less “together” than society seduces us into believing we should be.

However, the problem runs deeper than this. The pursuit of “getting-it-together” can actually divert us from the true purpose of our lives. Having an organized home, for example, should be something that supports us in getting on with our life’s purpose (if you don’t know what yours is yet, check this out). Yet the stress of trying to get and stay organized can be all-consuming, robbing us of the peace we are intending to achieve. A clean kitchen is a nice thing to have, but not something to record in a resume or obituary.

In The Art of Meditation, Buddhist monk Matthieu Ricard tells us:

“We expend a lot of effort to improve the external conditions of our lives, but in the end it is always the mind that creates our experience of the world and translates it into well-being or suffering. If we transform our way of perceiving things, we transform the quality of our lives.”

What if we see chaos as the tariff we pay for lives rich in creativity, purpose and meaning – lives that don’t rely on neat-and-tidy togetherness to substantiate them? Let me clarify:

‘Ms Jackson’

One of my clients was a highly creative work-at-home mom, whose creative spark invariably saturated her world at work and at home (they happened to be the same place). She was amazing at her job but her home looked like Jackson Pollock’s studio. And she wasn’t even a painter, so you get the drift…

In her “home time”, she engaged her kids in wonderfully imaginative projects that inspired their own creativity, curiosity and joyful experimentation. But she was always three loads of laundry behind and rarely could she string together a meal that didn’t come out of a bag.

Although my client highly valued creativity, being a mom made her believe organization and “togetherness” were something she should be good at too.

Parenting comes with a lot of “shoulds”, ones that other roles don’t necessarily have attached to them. A chemist doesn’t feel a need to program a computer, yet creative parents are always expecting to be better homemakers, organizers, cleaners, cooks and so forth. When did these attributes become inherent in the Job Description of a parent?

I wondered:

“How many creative-types did she know – painters, writers or the like, that were organized and tidy in all aspects of their lives? And if she had to trade her creativity for organization, would she?”

There seemed to be an important part missing in her story.  I mean – her kids got to school, nourished and nurtured, and went to bed the same way. She loved them and did the best job she could for them. She gave them the best of her abilities and shared freely with them her natural talents.

In fact, they were lucky to have a mom who had so many great ideas and could show them the joy of colouring their world. But on another account, they weren’t that lucky. Their creative mom was always stressed-out by their messy and disorganized home life, because of standards she assumed were essential to good mothering. I’d have loved to ask them: did they want a creative mom or an organized one?

She wasn’t letting herself be herself. She disallowed her joy in creative living by pursuing the got-it-all-together-mom persona. Her joyful spark was lost because she was too attached to the notion of who she should be.

Eventually, she experienced a shift in her perception. In short, she gave up on being a “great mom” and instead became a great “her”, who also happened to be a mom. She let herself be herself.  While she did her best to organize day-to-day life, she didn’t sacrifice her peace and joy to do it.

She found calmness amongst her chaos. She found a way to roll with the punches and think on-the-fly, not beating herself up when she didn’t quite manage things so well.

How She Found Calmness in Chaos

  • She became more mindful, present and grateful for the moment, rather than focusing on how things should be.
  • She set aside her judgement, and allowed each day to unfold, vowing to take each moment as a learning experience rather than a test she must pass.
  • She noticed that, whenever things weren’t going as well as she would like, these moments (like all moments) would pass. Each moment was a new opportunity to start again.

What was really cool was that, as she found more calmness in her “chaos”, she became more organically organized. Not perfect mind you, but functional – enough to get through the day without feeling like a complete failure.

Let me ask you:

What area of your life could be better-served by an attitude of acceptance?

What sacrifices are you currently making to your life’s purpose, by focusing on some externally-imposed standard you think is more important?

What shift might you experience in your whole well-being, if you simply gave up your need to control this one aspect of your life, and allowed it to be just as it was?

Finding Calmness in Your Chaos

Let’s imagine, for example, that your desk is cluttered (not hard to imagine, is it?). You’re always searching for items needed to complete your work. Your productivity is seriously limited by this kind of disorganization, no doubt. But you’ve tidied your desk a bazillion times and it never stays that way.

Should you try to organize it yet again? Maybe you should flagellate yourself with a mouse-cord. Or hire a thug to stand behind you, slapping you upside-the-head every time you misplace something. Perhaps that would keep you organized.

Another tack might be to change your point of view.

A Fix That Fits

Accept that part of your work day will involve time spent looking for misplaced artefacts. I’m not saying that you can’t work on de-cluttering your desk, but you can factor-in a cluttered desk as a natural part of the way you work. You’re a square peg, so make the hole square too. After all, you’ll lose more time in endless cycles of de-cluttering and re-cluttering than you will by allowing a few extra minutes to find things.

If you can get organized and stay organized, you will. But if you can’t, you will have to make peace with your disorganization.

Zen in Clutter  

Allow yourself to find the Zen in a cluttered workspace. Take the pressure off. Be present and accepting of the way things are. When you notice your desk in disarray, take a moment to tidy it. Or don’t. But do not beat yourself up for being disorganized. The calmness in finding this Zen could actually help you get more focused and organized, simply by being more present and accepting of the moment.

Stop fighting the waves of ADD. Start riding them.

In the next three follow ups to this post, we will explore:

  • How doing less, or even nothing at all, can help you get more out of yourself.
  • How sucking lemons is the one of the greatest ways to live more fully.
  • How managing ADHD and living life well is truly an inside-job.

For the next couple weeks, work on your own perspective-shift. Whatever it is about your ADHD that bugs you the most – make a decision to see it from a different perspective.

What are the positive aspects or off-shoots of that challenge? For example, Ms Jackson was creative but that often meant she was also disorganized. What do you get to be despite your challenges?

Your challenges – are they really in opposition to your values, or to society’s imposed values?

What happens when you look for the Zen in your ADD moments? How do you feel? Does a shift in perspective help you when you other tactics don’t?

I’m curious to hear what you notice. And don’t forget – please share your experience in the comments below!

Growth

25 Simple Ways to Transform Your Life This New Year

Christmas is the time of giving.

But New Year, for many, is the time for receiving – new opportunities anyway. It is the time for redesigning life and initiating changes that will make the coming year more successful, productive, enjoyable, healthy, happy and rewarding. If you want the coming year to bring with it more of these things, the following guide can help you bring them to fruition.

Remember this though: change is a process, not an event. Work on a couple of these things and positive changes will occur. Consider your efforts in life-transformation to be a “work-in-progress” rather than a one-time event, and this will go a long way to making sure changes actually take place.

For a quick reference, the following steps will be explored:

1. Celebrate the small successes.

2. Let go of negative thinking habits.

3. Change one small thing.

4. Practice pausing.

5. Deal with, once and for all, one major inconvenience.

6. Practice making eye contact.

7. Build your boredom muscle.

8. Practice square breathing.

9. Spend more time in nature.

10. Rewrite the story of your life.

11. Rewrite the story of your future.

12. Make a commitment to get some help.

13. Get an accountability partner.

14. Start every day as you mean to go on.

15. Determine what your values are.

16. Follow you passion.

17. Put more passion in to the mundane.

 

1. Celebrate small successes.

Who doesn’t want to get more done? When we have so much going on in our lives and our minds, life can feel a bit like forest fire-fighting with a water pistol.

One of the best ways to get more done is to acknowledge – and truly appreciate – all that you have already done. Finished projects are once-in-awhile phenomena. Every endeavor has a series of necessary steps taken that get it to the point of completion. Learn to acknowledge, celebrate and feel good about each of these steps and it will keep you motivated, focused and feeling that your efforts are worthwhile.

Gratitude journals help you find more joy in life. In the same token, keeping a list of daily accomplishments (no matter how small) can help you feel more productive and satisfied with how you spend your time.

 

2. Let go of negative thinking habits.

No matter where you go or who you are with, the one constant you take with you in life is – you!

Your thoughts determine how you experience life. They are what make you human as opposed to a fur-less mammal. Life is a lot better when you make your head a nicer place to experience it from.

Black and white thinking, jumping to conclusions, assuming the worst, and neglecting the positives are just a few examples of unhelpful thinking habits that stop us from getting the most out of life.

 

Change negative thinking patterns by:

– notice negative thoughts when they pop up

– determining what triggered them

– label them as negative (not pessimistic necessarily, just a thought that doesn’t work for you)

challenge them

– then let them go

 

3. Change one small thing.

Everyone knows that going to bed before midnight, eating right, and regular exercise are good for our bodies and our brains.  But when we have less-than ideal habits in all of these areas, it can feel like an onerous task to change.

Because we usually commit to changing too much, we give are destined to slip back in to old habits quickly. If this is the case for you, set your sights lower. Pick one small change you can easily achieve and go for it.

Instead of trying to get to bed early every night, try for 10 minutes earlier or aim for an early night once a week. Rather than eliminating all simple carbs and sugars from your diet, make a decision to simply add in more vegetables and water. Try jogging on the spot for ten minutes every day, rather than committing to a gym membership that won’t get used.

Positive habits can have a knock on effect and inspire you to make more changes later on. The most important thing about developing a new habit is not the size of the impact it will have on your life, but its degree of “stick-to-it-ness”.

 

 4. Practice pausing.

 Mindfulness practice has been shown to have a positive effect on … almost everything.

The art of mindfulness is often assumed to be complicated and difficult but it needn’t be. Even the busiest minds can be trained to incorporate more presence in each day.

Yongey Mingyur-Rinpoche, Buddhist master and author of The Joy of Living, suggests that the practice of mindfulness is best learned by beginning with short bursts of being present with yourself – even 5 minutes a day can help. Simply notice what you are thinking about or doing – observe it without judgment – and bring yourself back to the moment.

 

The best question you can ask yourself each day is:

 “How is what I am paying attention to serving me right now?”

Ask it several times a day. While you are building this muscle, you may need some reminders. Post reminders around the house or office, or schedule check-in periods into your daily planner.

 

5. Deal with, once and for all, one major inconvenience.

What are you putting up with?

Have you got a closet door that can’t be closed without a human bulldozer to ram it shut? Maybe it’s an un-filed tax claim being used to shield the corner of your desk from dust. Or have you put off returning that call from moaning Auntie Milly – since 1989?

We all have things we put up with it because it feels easier to “put up” than to deal with them. But these kinds of “tolerances” occupy space in the back of our minds and consciences. They are not out-of-sight, out-of-mind – they linger and beckon us with feelings of guilt, annoyance, or frustration. These spaces could be better used for more productive things if we simply faced up to the tasks and got ‘em done.

Free up some space in your mind and deal with one thing you have been putting off.

Then, as is number one, celebrate the success of having finally completed it.

 

6. Practicing making eye contact.

We talk to people all day long. But do we listen? Especially when we have ADD?

Busy minds do not shut up simply because someone else is talking. Sometimes, we need anchors to keep us in the present moment so that we can really hear what is being said.

When someone talks to you, make a habit of stopping what you are doing and looking them in the eye. It will give you an anchor to stay in the moment and listen. If eye contact is too uncomfortable for you, trying looking at the other person’s mouth as they speak.

 

7. Build up your tolerance to doing one thing at a time (aka build you boredom muscle).

If there is one thing most of us dread (or perhaps have an allergy to) – its boredom. So much so, that we often try to fill every minute of the day in an effort to avoid it.

This often shows up as multi-tasking. Once in awhile, practice paying attention to only the thing you are doing. Do it as if it were the most important thing you have ever done. Step outside of your body for a minute and observe what it feels like just to be alive and doing that one thing, and boredom will become an opportunity for inspiration.

Pay attention to the way that task serves a greater purpose than the obvious one. Washing dishes is no doubt mundane. But doing it means you don’t have to do them later when they’ve become casualties of an accidental science experiment (being responsible). It means that you are being productive (being useful). It means that you are looking after your belongings (being thoughtful), taking care of things that other people put a lot of effort into making (being respectful)….

Okay so maybe that’s a trite example, but you see what I mean.

We often assume that we can get more done by multitasking, but the truth is people are incapable of paying full attention to more than one thing at a time. Inevitably this means that we only give partial effort and attention to some of our tasks, which can actually make them take longer to complete.

Do one thing and do it well, before moving on to the next thing. Read Unclutterer’s post Single-tasking helps you get more done with less stress.

 

8. Practice square breathing.

 Zen Habits, read by millions worldwide, has this as its tagline –

“Breathe”

That’s it. Simple, eh?

But breathing is something most of us do pretty shoddily every day.

We spend so much time listening to the constant chatter in our heads telling us what to do, how to do it, when to do it and when to stop – that automatic but crucially important body functions such as breathing can become stiff and tense.

Take a few moments a day to listen to your heart and your lungs. Simply breathe to melt away the tension, stress and chaos.

Square breathing is a simple but effective way of reducing stress. Imagine following the lines of a square as you breathe in to a count of four, hold the breath for a count of four, then exhale for four seconds and again hold the breath for a count of four. Repeat – four times, four times a day (or more!).

 

9. Spend more time in nature.

Spending more time in the natural world brings most people calmness and a feeling of being grounded and centered. It also inspires creativity. You don’t need to live on the coast or in the mountains to find nature. A city park, botanical centre or even a communal garden can offer a much needed break from the concrete jungle.

Sometimes, a little bit of the outdoors can be a great natural remedy for our concentration woes.

10. Rewrite the story of your life.

Disappointment, failures, and mistakes are a part of life for everyone with a pulse.

The stories we tell ourselves about the mistakes we’ve made are fairy tales. Not the nice, touch-feely, warm Walt-Disney-kind. The harsh, brutal, scare-mongering kind that circulated pre-20th century, warning the poor children of those times to tow the line or they would face uncertain death by some horrible, mythical figure.

These days, that mythical figure is the voice of guilt and shame that lives in our heads.

We waste time feeling bad about something that is as innate to being human as breathing is. Mistakes are there to serve us, not to hold us back.

“You can only go forward by making mistakes”

                                                         Alexander McQueen

Let go of old shame and disappointment. Rewrite your life story by focusing on what was learned and how it will help you in the future.

 

11. Write the story of your future.

Every moment is a new start.

Write your success story of where you will be this time next year – what you are doing, how you feel, what your environment is like and what the people in your life notice is different about you.

Write it in the present tense, as if it is happening now. Sometimes, we work best when we start from the destination and work backwards. Start with the end in mind, as if what you really want from life has already happened, and make space in your heart for that end to become reality.

“Dreams are the seedlings of realities”

                                               James Allen

Visualize the end product and the series of steps that got you there. Then visualize yourself taking each one of those steps.

All great endeavors start with a powerful vision.

 

12. Make a commitment to get some help.

Pick one area of your life or task that is incomplete and holding y0u back from getting what you really want in life. Decide to get some help, whether that means enlisting a friend or family member, or even hiring someone.

We often tell ourselves that we should be able to do certain things and refuse to get help even when it could make life a lot easier.

Just because you could (technically) cut your own hair – doesn’t mean you should! Let the people who are good at cutting hair do it (or whatever it is you need help with!) and do what you are good at!

If your house is a disaster – hire a cleaner or a professional organizer. If your finances are in shambles – find a good financial adviser or budgeting expert. If you have dreams you haven’t quite reached or have ADHD challenges that continue to wreak havoc in your life – hire a professional coach.

There is no shame in getting help, only in letting pride get in the way of asking for help that would enable you to excel in that area of life that is holding you back.

13. Get an Accountability Partner.

This can be a professional life coach or even just a good friend who has your best interest at heart.

Accountability partnerships are designed to help you meet your goals and keep your commitments. Sometimes, we don’t make ourselves or our desires important enough to be accountable to them. We let other things get in the way because we don’t value our own intentions.

But when we have someone else checking in on us, those goals and desires become more important to us, simply because we are being held accountable for them. A bit like a weekly weigh-in ca help keep you on track with a diet, a weigh-in on your goals and commitments can be great motivators for keeping you on task.

Accountability partnerships are set up with complete collaboration and transparency. You decided what you want to be accountable for, and how you want your partner to respond when you don’t live up to your commitment. They can help productivity, and when done in a professional coaching context – inspire personal growth and development.

 

 

14. Start every day as you mean to go on.

No one wakes up hoping their going to have a bad day.

But the way most of us wake up and start each day is often good-mood-conducive. The way we start the day impact our moods from the get-go and set the pace for the rest of the day.

Make the first thing you do on getting out of bed be something that will put you in a positive mood. Smile, sing your favorite song to yourself or have a boogie in the shower. Make yourself laugh for no reason, say a prayer or meditate, or recite out loud your gratitude list.

It’s not guaranteed to make your whole day go swimmingly. But it will certainly help to get you in a happier mindset from the start. It certainly has a much better chance of lifting your spirits than hitting the snooze button eight times, grumbling as you role out of bed, and hitting the shower like a life-sentenced inmate of the Daily Grind Penitentiary.

Practicing positive wake-ups everyday will have an accumulative effect and become habitual over time.

 

15. Determine what your values are.

“I’ll tell you what I want, what I really, really want. So tell me what you want, what you really, really want”

The Spice Girls

(smiles to myself… yes, I did just put the Spice Girls in here!)

When we are acting inline with our values, life becomes much more fulfilling.

The only problem is, because life is so busy sometimes it becomes difficult to be sure of what it is we really value. Or what we really want from life.

Make the time to figure this out. Set aside a couple of hours to brainstorm and write out the things that you truly value in life.

Keep the list with you. When you are struggling with a task, take the list out and see if it fits in with one of your core values.

This can help keep you motivated by reminding you why it is you are doing it. It can give you permission to abandon a task altogether if it serves no purpose and does not align with your values. And it can help you choose new goals when your not sure what you are doing at all.

16. Follow your passion.

This seems to be one of the hottest topics out there in the blogosphere – following your passion.

But not everyone knows what they are passionate about.

If you have been longing for your life’s passion, but nothing in life (yet) has inspired you to this extent – don’t fret. Passion can grow. Pick something that interests you, even if your not passionate about it – and grow it.

“We must act out passion before we can feel it”

                                                        Jean-Paul Sartre

No one understand this dilemma better than my husband. He has searching for his passion the entire thirteen years I have known him.

This year, he decided to invest more of himself in his photography. A few months ago he deliberated whether or not he should continue pursing it. He enjoyed photography, but he didn’t feel passionate about it. But for whatever reason, he carried on.

Now, he has made a career out of it.

I’m not sure if he feels that illustrious “passion” for it or not. The fact that he spends several hours a day with his camera in hand or his head buried in Photoshop (even after the work is done), that his eyes automatically search for the perfect “photo opp” everywhere we go, and that he sees things in pictures that are invisible to me (maybe he’s woken up to the matrix and I haven’t?) – leads me to believe he might just be growing a passion.

 

17. Put more passion into the mundane.

Its good to follow your bliss if you can, but regardless of what the pop-prophets tell you, not everyone can make a living from their passion. Bills need to be paid and mouths need to be fed while you are trying to find your bliss.

But everyone can put more passion into what they are already doing.

Mindfulness, focusing on how your daily tasks feed your values, starting each task with the same joy you now start each day – are all easy ways to put more passion in to the ordinary tasks of daily living.

 

Try some of these things out in the next few weeks and take notice of the impact they have on your life. As stated before, transformation is a process, not an event. But the more that you work at it, the more solidified these changes in your life will become.

Have some ideas of your own? Share them in the comments below!

Mindset

The First (And Most Important) Step in Getting Your Act Together

It sucks when you really want to do something and you just can’t do it.

It sucks even more when you know you can, but for whatever reason, it seems you can’t get your sh*t together and get it done.

If only I could get organized, then I could get this project done.

If only I knew where to start, then I could get this business up and running.

If only I would pay more attention to what I am doing, I wouldn’t lose everything I own.

If only I’d start remembering to do the important stuff, my bank account wouldn’t have gone overdrawn again for the third time this year.

 If only I’d get it together, I could really go for my dreams. I could live the life I want. I could stop living on the edge of greatness and become the person I really want to be and know I could be.

Why can’t I just get it together?

Have you been there? Cryptic words written on long-gone but not forgotten report cards echoing through your memory… “Would do well to pay attention.” “Must try harder.” Reminiscent of troubles that have repeated themselves throughout your life’s timeline…

Pay attention? Try harder? Thank you very much for the well-meaning advice, but when you take your car into the mechanic for a service, you don’t expect him to turn around and say to you “Your car needs a service”. That part is obvious. What you really want to know is: what needs to be done and how are you going to do it?

We are always trying harder. We are always paying attention. In fact, we overpay it. If attention was a currency, then we ADDers invest in so many different funds it would give the hardiest of accountants a stroke trying to keeping track of it all. We hemorrhage attention and have no innate ability to cauterize it. That’s why we can’t get our acts together.

So where does that leave us?

Usually, we just try harder. And hope that this time it will really work.

Like the latest business cliché, we don’t want to try harder. We want to try smarter. Most of us have this latent sense that we are capable of so much more than what we are doing right now. We sense that we could do great and wonderful things if a few habitual barriers would just get out of our way. And we tell ourselves that we will be truly happy with ourselves once we finally get our act together.

I hate to tell you this but it doesn’t work that way. That little piece of misinformation is what keeps you chasing your own tail in life’s revolving door of chaos.

The truth, in fact, is diametrically the opposite. You will get your act together in a much greater way once you become happier with yourself just the way you are.

It sounds crazy. Its feels counter-intuitive. How could being happier with how I am right now help me get more organized and on top of my game, if how I am right now is a complete mess?

I’ll tell you how in a minute, but first let me share with you a little analogy. When working as a Cognitive-Behavioural Therapist, I did a lot of work with people suffering from Panic Disorder. If you’ve ever suffered from a panic attack, you can appreciate how dreadful this condition can be. The question I was most often asked by clients at the beginning of therapy was:

“When will the panic attacks stop for good?”

My reply was always the same.

“When you stop being afraid of having them.”

This is the irony of Panic Disorder. It’s almost impossible to have a panic attack if you are totally comfortable with the experience of them. They’re never going to feel nice. But if you get to a place where they are reduced to the annoyance-level equivalent of a hiccup, they’ll pretty much disappear.

And so it is with ADHD. Not saying ADD will disappear once you learn to accept yourself with it. But the grip that ADD challenges have over your life will loosen. The less important they become in your mind, the less power they will have over you. New ways of being will finally feel free to manifest in your life when they no longer fear getting caught in the crossfire between you and your “old self”. When you open up your arms and embrace who you are right now, you are also welcoming the you that you are becoming. (Click to tweet)

When will you start getting your sh*t together?

When you stop being afraid of who you are with ADD.

This is what I am talking about…

Obviously, there is a lot more to getting your act together than this. But learning to embrace yourself as you are is the first and most crucial step in breaking through the glass ceiling of ADHD and moving up to the next level.

This post is the first in a series I intend to do on the topic of learning to be confident in yourself and flourishing with ADD. If you have any questions you would like addressed in this series, here’s your chance to let me know by leaving a comment below. If you are a blogger, don’t forget to sign in with Commentluv so you can promote your latest posts as well.